Gratitude to the Overseer

It's like getting used to filet, then complaining when you only get flank;
like living in a mansion for free, then whining when you get moved to the pool house;
like getting paid six figures, then grumbling when you don't get a raise or bonus.

It's like being saved from eternity in hell—then moping about feeling bored, unmotivated, under appreciated, or worthless. Are you kidding me?! His grace is sufficient. His grace is the motherload!

But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
[1 Peter 2:20-25]

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Why ask God for forgiveness? Who is He to give it?

I paint a masterpiece. You then scratch/scar/scuff the product of my hard work, something of great value to me. You feel bad and want to apologize. Do you apologize to the painting, or do you apologize to its creator?

At this point, someone could point out that paintings are inanimate, whereas humans feel and experience. Shouldn't, then, the apology be re-directed to the wounded human?

Well, think of it this way: the Painter is greater than the painting; the God of the universe is greater than a human... we are only dust. Just because a specific created thing (a person) happens to be magnificent, unique, and ever so intricate, it doesn't mean that the Creator-creation relationship breaks down. It just means that the Creator is that much more greater (and, therefore, all the more worthy of being asked for forgiveness).

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One part of the claim tends to slip past us unnoticed because
we have heard it so often that we no longer see what it amounts
to. I mean the claim to forgive sins: any sins. Now unless the
speaker is God, this is really so preposterous as to be comic. We
can all understand how a man forgives offences against himself.
You tread on my toes and I forgive you, you steal my money
and I forgive you. But what should we make of a man, himself
unrobbed and untrodden on, who announced that he forgave
you for treading on other men's toes and stealing other men's
money? Asinine fatuity is the kindest description we should
give of his conduct. Yet this is what Jesus did. He told people
that their sins were forgiven, and never waited to consult all the
other people whom their sins had undoubtedly injured. He
unhesitatingly behaved as if He was the party chiefly concerned,
the person chiefly offended in all offences. This makes sense
only if He really was the God whose laws are broken and
whose love is wounded in every sin. In the mouth of any
speaker who is not God, these words would imply what I can
only regard as a silliness and conceit unrivalled by any other
character in history.

—C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
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[FROM TIJUANA] Commanded to Go

Homes built. Orphans fed. For the people of each site we visited, our service was but a day. For some on our team, the trip was a mountaintop experience that, in sad reality, will eventually fizzle out (or even sadder, simply a notch on the belt to feel good about). I know because I've been there before myself. For a few, however, the week-long experience will go down as a pivotal point shaping life from here on out.

"Having my eyes steadily peeled open to the reality that I’ve so often managed to tune out of my life—all the suffering in the world—God wrecked my heart and propelled me to more deeply seeking His face."

That is what I reported after my first trip to Tijuana with Caravan Ministries in 2009. It was true when I wrote it, and still true to this day. But it was vague. On my second visit, already prepared for the Truthful shock-and-awe factor delivered daily by unreserved speakers, God moved me in a different—and very specific—way.

"Go, send, or disobey" (John Piper, speaking of missions) is the maxim of the ministry, and initially, I thought that the LORD's lesson for me in round two was the same as the last: stay, send, and be content. Going into the field sounds glorious; merely sending—not so sexy. You see, despite my desire to Go (the desire of my will, but not necessarily my inherent want), massive pre-Christian-incurred college loans have kept long-term missions off the table.

Here's an illustration of that presupposed lesson. On build site #3, despite wanting to wield a hammer on the casa, I decided to hang out with the chicos nearby. At first, like with missions, I felt like I was sitting on the sidelines, not doing "my part."

But as it would turn out, speeding downhill in a children's toy car with no brakes and playing soccer with those kids was the most meaningful—and fulfilling—time of the trip for me. So, what did I learn that day? Whether Sending (like I thought I was supposed to) or Going, the role should be embraced (God sees the heart).

The next day, however, I realized that although true (that sacrificially sending/intentionally mobilizing/effectively equipping is indeed a vital role within the missional body), it wasn't exactly the message that God wanted to engraft in me. When I first accepted Jesus, there was no BAM! moment like I initially thought there had to be as I was seeking for truth throughout college. When I made the decision to commit to my future bride, there was no supernatural sign giving me the green light. Many of us spend our lives this way: waiting for a sign before we act, being paralyzed in fear of failure or making the wrong decision or stepping outside of God's will (see 1 John 3:20). Well, on my last day in Mexico, God used two rock solid men ("sons of Von") to put things in perspective for me.

Brad, a stellar surfer in his day and native of southern California, had zero desire to become a missionary when he became a Christian. He had no "heart" for lost people and never saw letters in the clouds "calling" him to preach the Gospel to the ends of the earth. He was full of fear, and by his own admittance, basically a pretty bad candidate to be a missionary. What he did have though was Pastor Von, and so somewhat by transitive property, Brad had obedience to God's Word. And God's Word says this:

And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:18-20)

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth. (Acts 1:8)

Brad (who, despite his fears, spent twenty years in the jungles of Papua New Guinea, translating the Bible into the local language and planting a now-thriving church) points out that, specifically for missions, God has already said "Yes," and that we don't need to wait for Him to say it again. "Until God shuts you down, you keep going... To surrender to the crosshairs of His will means to embrace fear... There is no Plan B. Are we addicted to Plan B? If you have a Plan B, you will never be in a position to please God, though you can fool everybody else, including yourself."

You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) "Worship is giving back to God that which He is worthy of... Self-preservation screams at us, and God's voice will whisper, 'you know I'm credible.'" (Brad)

Right after Brad's talk, Eddie and I shared a truck ride to our last work site, and his advice crystalized the truth resounding in my mind. He told me that our focus should not be on trying to discern God's will for our life; it should just be trying to discern God's will—period. God has already commanded us to go (push into missions, based on His Word), and only stay if we're called (meaning if He keeps closing the door on it).

Commanded to go, called to stay. Personally, I really like this refreshing mindset—it's liberating, it takes my questioning out, and makes God's answer clear.

"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." — Jim Elliot, missionary martyr who lost his life in the late 1950's trying to reach the Auca Indians of Ecuador

"If you found a cure for cancer, wouldn't it be inconceivable to hide it from the rest of mankind? How much more inconceivable to keep silent the cure from the eternal wages of death." — Dave Davidson

"If ten men are carrying a log — nine of them on the little end and one at the heavy end — and you want to help, which end will you lift on?" — William Borden, as he reflected on the numbers of Christian workers in the U.S. as compared to those among unreached peoples in China

When James Calvert went out as a missionary to the cannibals of the Fiji Islands, the ship captain tried to turn him back, saying, "You will lose your life and the lives of those with you if you go among such savages." To that, Calvert replied, "We died before we came here."

"The gospel is only good news if it gets there in time." — Carl F. H. Henry

All the more reason to go: And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. (Matthew 24:14) He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. (Revelation 21:4)

Take It On The Chin

The truest form of toughness is vulnerability.

Think Rocky Balboa versus Clubber Lang (aka Mr. T).

Think Jesus versus Death.

It's looking in the face of physical pain, social ill-acceptance, or spiritual stretching and saying, "OK, let's do this."

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All In, Baby

Marriage talk has arrived at our doorstep. Issues arise and inventories are taken. One such topic is where to potentially live in our first year or two of marriage. My initial focus: practicality. Leah's ideal: living alongside the poor.

Though I may have more sound doctrine on paper and have more of an intentionally evangelical mindset, she hits the nail right smack on the head (probably without even thinking about it) when it comes to living out Scripture.

Is my preference to live amongst the poor? Not really.

Did I get too comfortable somewhere along the way? Uh huh.

Do I like where my heart is at now? No.

Am I willing to dive head first into such a lifestyle anyway? Yes.

If my trust is all in with Jesus, then how can there be room for fear? He is in control—of everything—after all.

(Thanks for being my better half, mama! Blessed indeed.)

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[FROM VANCOUVER] Helpless / Hopeful

Even before my departure, I heard via Leah's reports that Vancouver's Downtown Eastside was Canada's poorest postal code, a few city blocks packed with rampant addictions and conspicuous prostitution, widespread homelessness and overwhelming brokenness. From a photojournalistic stance, it was a surreal world I was readily willing to capture. So, when we were about to set off for our tour of that specific area, I was naturally disappointed (and somewhat bitter) as Leah told me that it would be a real good idea to leave the camera behind.

It took a few minutes, but I eventually got over it and we finally started off. Along the way, Leah described much of what we saw from the destructive effects of gentrification* to the disturbingly acceptable culture of the streets. (Take for example that the Vancouver Police Station is literally across the street from the corner where a lot of the drug-dealers linger (right in front of the community center nonetheless).)

As (just about) always, Leah was right; it was a good idea to leave my camera behind. With empty hands, I was able to fully register the overwhelming experience of what I witnessed. By the time we passed through the Bottle Depot section, my mind was drained and my face stoic.

I didn't like what I saw in my heart. There was a lot of fear, and in turn, I ironically (but I suppose naturally) put up a front of toughness. This is where I learned where I stood with God and His people, where I discovered that cerebral theology—even with an earnest heart—can only get you so far if life is lived in disconnected comfort.

(In the process, I also found that the truest form of toughness is vulnerability. And God showed me that I still have a lifetime's work to go.)

Grabbing lunch at the community center (yes, the same one with all the drug-dealers out in front (the food was cheap and surprisingly good)), Leah and I ran into "Gabriel" and engaged in what turned out to be a (seemingly God-ordained) lengthy conversation.

Probably introverted and minding his own business, "Gabriel" agreed to come join us at our table. Before we knew it, he basically divulged his life story, sharing in detail wild episodes from God calling out for him while he was caught up in drugs, to God's providential guidance and supernatural protection. He's a local who knows the deal; he's a believer on the ground. Addiction is the problem, but money isn't the answer.

Honest. Transparent. Vulnerable. Tough. He should be a preacher. (He said if you want to find out about yourself, spend a year in the Downtown Eastside. Only a mere afternoon and I could see how right on he was.)

All that to say, if there was one thing I could have conveyed through an image of the DTES, it was the existence of a spiritual rock bottom beneath the rock bottom as the world knows... the utter helplessness of man to rescue man. Never in my entire life had I felt as helpless as I did in the thick of that broken street, seeing bodies drift around as if their souls had been stolen. No heap of money, no amount of time spent in detox, no man-made program can restore that. (And it made me realize that any real power that I ever thought I wielded was not my own.)

No man can fix this. Only God can change, only God can save. "Gabriel" stands as living proof of that undeniable power.











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* gentrification: the process of renewal and rebuilding accompanying the influx of middle-class or affluent people into deteriorating areas that often displaces poorer residents

Imagine a town (full of poor Ramen-eating college kids) building nothing but five-star restaurants.

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Judgemental

When I see real life addicts who have changed course and are now seeking after God, easily can I see God smiling upon them... pleased. Yet when I slack in my quiet time and "good deeds," I come down upon myself with scrutiny.

"If I feel judgement, then I am judgemental."
-Michael Collins

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You Think Too Hard

"Don't study the Bible. Follow it."
-Brad Martin

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Revisted: Cleaning House after a Chinese Hangover

Scratch the part about not keeping up with the house! I'm blown away by the seemingly massive difference that a clean house can actually make on how I feel and, therefore, (in my case) live!

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Cleaning House after a Chinese Hangover

It's like a hangover, only from Chinese food. Is this what it feels like to have your face injected with Botox? This is my welcoming party into the Fourth of July, the ensuing aftershock of the first 24 hours of visiting Filipino feeding-frenzied (albeit loving) parents. And it goes to show how critical it is to take good care of one's body and not passively let it go by the wayside.

Here's another illustration. On Saturday, my two housemates and I finally had enough. Though probably still habitable by many a young male's standards, we're big boys now and our apartment was mutually recognized as a filth (that's noun, not adjective). One time, I saw a single fly on the kitchen counter and tried to squash it... only to miss and watch it fly back in s l o w m o t i o n to its black hoard of a nest, which was right behind the backboard above our sink. After I swept the hardwood floors of the living room and dining room, you would have thought that we owned a big blue cat or something.

Anyway, after digging (err, not so deep it seems) I found my inner Mr. Mom and re-arranged the first floor with the help of the housemate. I picked up two area rugs from Target, cleaning supplies from Wal-mart, and having been disappointed with the selection of accent furniture at Home Goods, I settled on a simple yet elegant (e.g. it was cheap) coffee table at another Target. Now (I'm surprised to say), that the house (the general living space at least) is much more habitable—cozy even!

I have a greater appreciation now not for things just being clean, but for all the work that actually goes into it! (It was my friend's wife that put those words together for me, but it doesn't make it any less true.) My friend's wife cleans everyday; I'm guessing lots of moms do. Most guys including myself, however, will ask, "Why?"

The male train of thought will most likely rationalize, "Why do something everyday when you can hardly see a difference? I'd rather just let it go, tackle it when I can no longer stand it, and then feel like I accomplished something when it's finished." For a few things (i.e. cleaning the house), I can twistedly and knuckleheadly agree (however painful in the end) with the aforementioned rationale.

When it comes to health, people, and relationships though, a letting-it-go kind of mentality is simply foolish and downright destructive. God says that you should be taking care of your body, and loving others just as much—not putting it on the backburner and then taking care of it later. Take care of it (whatever that thing is) now.

Hm... I need to take care of something.
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James 4:17

"So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."

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Proverbs 21:13

"Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor will himself call out and not be answered."

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Light

Though nothing seemingly spectacular, a Canon promo video states, "light is the foundation for all that we see." The First Letter of John (chapter 1, verse 5) says "God is light; in him there is no darkness at all."

How much can you see?

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Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

So many images run through my mind, yet only a fraction of a fraction will ever be captured on a camera's sensor. And I'm just one person. The child (or child at heart) who doesn't know how to operate a dSLR's buttons and knobs, or the Sub-Saharan villager who doesn't even know what a camera is―they (and billions of others) have (whether they realize it or not) vastly creative God-given imaginations. Infinite pictures infused with beauty and a story, yet the majority of them are things unseen!

Register the fact that our Minds are miraculous machines that have virtually no bounds (we are created in the image of God). Yet Scripture says God's "foolishness" is greater than man's (all of man's) wisdom, and that His strength is greater than man's (all of man's) strength (1 Corinthians 1:25). Think about that...

Now, shift from the college of arts to science. The cells that make up all of creation are made up of intricate parts and are critically dependent on countless variables (Colossians 1:17). Yet when God conjured up existence as we know it, He was aware of these things. The hardest mathematics and the most mysterious of designs: He created these things! O the mind of God! What is there that exists that He is unable to comprehend?!

As powerful, brilliant, and creative our collective minds can be, the Truth is that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him (1 Corinthians 2:9). Whoa indeed.

God searches all hearts. God knows all things. He created all things (John 1:3), and there is nothing (especially being human) to which He cannot relate. There is nothing that He cannot understand, nothing from which He cannot deliver.

"Anything you can do, I (God) can do better.
Anything I can do, I (God) can do better than you (my child)."

Ah, what a breath-taking life-giving truth to be able to rest in...

Thank You, Jesus!
Amen.

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Death of Our Politics

A Christian father is first a Christian, then a father.
A Christian husband is first a Christian, then a husband.
A Christian American is first a Christian, then an American.

Does this make the man unloving? Quite the contrary—surely, it leads him to be a better father (even more of a father), a better husband (even more of a husband).

One identity is not forfeited for the other.

Does this make the man unpatriotic? I do not believe so, though no doubt many would disagree...

"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
[Matthew 5:10-11]

...our citizenship is in heaven...
[Philippians 3:20]

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Double Tap

There was a time in my life when I was thought to be "extreme." The world doesn't like extreme; it prefers "moderate." My goodness, I've become moderate.

But then I got double-tapped—first by the Bible, and then by YouTube.

"...having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people."
[2Timothy 3:5]

All true passion is born out of Anguish.
[David Wilkerson]

Ouch. Where is the power of Christ in my life? Where is the Passion? Where is the Anguish? I know I won't find it living safely in the comfort of moderation.

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That's all the devil wants to do is get the fight out of you. And kill it.
[David Wilkerson]

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Temptation #2

I imagine that Satan knew Who he was dealing with when it came to the temptation of Jesus—the Son of God and Savior of the World—which meant he probably also knew to bring the big guns if he was going to have any chance of taking Him down (Matthew 4:1-11). The first temptation targeted physical need (e.g. food) and the third attacked via lust of the eyes (e.g. power, pride, pleasure)—both commendable approaches I'd say if I were an evil douchebag.

However, temptation number two seemed to come out of left field, almost throwing a shot away. In Matthew chapter 4, look at verses 5 through 7:

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”

Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

My initial thought: "Seriously? Daring someone to jump off a building? That's your secret weapon, Satan?" Clearly I was missing something. But then I realized that tons of people (myself very much included) do stupid things all the time in order to prove their identity, whether it be to enemies, loved ones, or themselves.

"If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down."

Whoa. Temptation number two is a solid sucker punch after all. This trial goes to show how crucial it is to know who you really are (otherwise, you'd go splat)!

This reminds me of the teachings of a wise man.

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Photography and Things Unseen

Lately, I've been getting more into photography and I'm finally learning about the technical aspects of it. Capturing non-manufactured moments of human existence has always been my primary interest (and I think it always will be), but I came across this online article by Joel Tjintjelaar and it piqued my imagination.

Did you know that "if you use a long enough shutter speed, moving subjects that only stay a few seconds in your frame won’t be recorded by your camera[?]" Mr. Tjintjelaar explains that "removing the human element (or any moving objects, like cars) requires a long exposure [and] when making very long exposures, not only moving objects will disappear. Clouds turns into stripes, crashing waves into smooth surfaces… After a while your image is down to its true essence: lines, curves and tonality." Very cool.

I have yet to try it out, but to get that kind of long exposure, I basically have to set my shutter speed on bulb, stop down my aperture, apply a neutral density (ND) filter to my lens, and use a remote trigger as well as a heavy tripod (to prevent camera shake and image blur)... I think.

Now, applying this concept to the spirit world: as believers, we know it exists, but we very rarely physically see it. Why? Think about it. The faster a camera's shutter speed, the quicker it acts to "freeze" a subject's movement. Conversely, the slower the shutter speed (or the longer the exposure time), the more time the subject's movement has to "escape" from being captured in a shot. So, as described above, given a long enough exposure time, moving objects (i.e. humans) disappear from the frame.

Do our human "sensors" not visually register spiritual beings because they move so fast and our "shutter speeds" aren't quick enough to freeze their substance? But in that case, shouldn't we at least see blurred images? Maybe it's that spirits are moving at a rate considered to be normal (in celestial terms), but human exposure times are just super long (which, in turn, allow sights of supernatural movement to be lost from our frames completely)?

Does the real answer actually matter? Of course not; the possibilities are just fascinating.

Though the majority of human experiences don't visually register them, believers know—Biblically—that spirits exist. Personally, I find the concept of long exposures in photography all the more reinforcing of a not-seeing-but-knowing kind of trust in things unseen, and of a not-feeling-but-knowing kind of trust in Truths unfelt.

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What is essence? What remains to be seen? Blah blah blah...

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JV Testimony

I think I've always been (for the most part) very logical and "lawyeristic," and for me, Jesus is the only way life makes sense. Through the lens of Christ, I am able to see the so-called wisdom of this world for what it truly is: foolishness. Its trinkets do not satisfy.

I used to not be able to wrap my mind around the idea that God's greatest passion is for His glory as it seemed selfish to me. But then I realized that "at the very moment God exalted someone or something else, He would no longer be the great God worthy of all glory in all the universe, which He is" (David Platt). And everybody exalts something or someone—and somehow we (usually) know that that thing shouldn't be ourself.

I used to get stuck on why The Way had to be through Jesus. Now, I can see that the answer to that question can be found in the question itself. For me personally, the underlying inquiry—the driver—was really, "Why can't I do it myself?" And there, we have a pride issue—the very thing that got Satan kicked out of Heaven.

Grace is a gift from God. Take it, man!

“I didn't grow up in the church (at least not at a place where I made my faith my own), went to a prestigious university which contributed to my inward arrogance, was part of a fraternity where I did some real stupid things, and made light—into games even—of things I'm now ashamed.

But shortly after college, God somehow landed me in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of winter, with nothing to turn to but Him. He gave me the grace to put my trust in Jesus, and everything's turned 180 since then (though obviously not without its [hurdles]). Finding God later in life, one understandably slingshots in spiritual growth as there (usually) is more maturity to work with. And that's what I did. Much had been forgiven, so much love was shown (Luke 7:47).

Even though I'm in a good place now, I've still caught myself plenty enough times to fully know that apart from God, I have no good thing in me (Psalm 16:2).” [Post from July 26, 2010]

I’m learning what it means to depend on His grace on a daily basis.

“Each day, I wake up. With air in my lungs. Through each night as I sleep (demonstrating all the more that it is through no power of my own), my heart beats. I have control over my fingers, hands, and feet to run, jump, and dance and experience Creation as I please (indeed I am grateful). I have eyes that perceive better than any camera all the beauty that is around me. And despite all the brokenness in this world, God is all the more worthy to be praised because through hope—through Christ—brokenness isn't where it all ends. Beyond life, He gives Life. Before I had it, I didn't know what Life was, let alone know that I was missing it (dead men don't know they're dead).

Very real to me is the distinct peace I've been given, in deep contrast to the darkness that was once my mind. Very real to me is freedom from the shame I no longer bear, as well as liberation from addiction. And now, even in affliction, I see His goodness in refining me for His glory.” [Post from October 11, 2010]

Ephesians 2:1-10

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The Hobby Shop

Today was Presidents' Day and I had off from work. After a tri-state and tiring (but solid) Saturday & Sunday, I began to make my way back to Darien (by way of Nyack (woohoo!)). After topping off the tank with some sub-three-dollar-per-gallon Jersey fuel, I craved a bacon-egg-and-cheese. Opting for something less "processed" tasting, I by-passed DD and headed for a local deli uptown. There was no sense eating and driving simultaneously; I was in no rush and I had the day off after all, so I ate in my car. The first half of the sandwich exploited just how cheesy the breakfast delight was being, and I devoured it in no time. However, just as I was about to take my assault on the second half, I realized where I was parked. Right in front of me, only a few feet away, was a small hobby shop. As a young kid, I was really into collecting sports cards and this place was one of my primary suppliers. The thing is, though, not everything I got from this shop owner was purchased. I had stolen a bunch of stuff here and there.

Now, there I was staring at an opportunity. A thought was placed in my mind by whom I imagine could only be the Holy Spirit: walk in there and give the owner a twenty spot. Mind you, I'm a big planner and strict budgetor, and whatever I have in my wallet at the beginning of the week is always meant to last the rest of the week for both food and fuel (separate funds are set aside for other categories). Giving up a twenty, unplanned, would be pretty inconvenient... but rather than calculating in my head how much I would have left and figuring if I could stretch my coin, I stopped.

I resolved that walking in there would be the God-honoring thing to do, and that God would provide for me (even in the small things) as He always does. Still, after my mind was fixed, it took a few moments for my courage to follow. Eventually, however, by the grace of God, I went into soldier mode and just went for it.

I opened the door and cheerfully said a hello. I pulled out my wallet and began to explain. Though the act seemed genuinely appreciated, the cash that was placed on the counter was graciously slid back towards me... so that, per the shop owner, I could pass it onto another in need. He did ask, "What changed?"

I said, "I grew up," but more importantly (and I was grateful for the opportunity to finally say such words to a stranger), "I met Jesus."

Thank You, LORD. Not to us, but to You be the glory. Amen.


Just before this happened, I had been contemplating on upgrading my camera lens. Prior to this year, I hadn't spent much on myself, but now I'm already up to a telephoto lens with some serious glass and a brand new laptop. In terms of spending, I realized that I had "broken the seal" and I wanted to stop the bleeding. After all, godliness with contentment is of great gain (1 Timothy 6:6). I imagined myself getting all the goods on my mental checklist and preemptively processed how acquiring it all would not ultimately satisfy. I knew only God could fill that longing--and this experience provided a glimpse of that true Satisfaction.

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He Remembers Prayers Even When I've Forgotten

GUT CHECK
Does my gratitude from the Gospel end at my (me!) being saved?

Or does it extend [go beyond, surpass that which was initially most valued (e.g. life itself)] to awe (e.g. a response) over His (Him!) greatness?

Does creation (my life) mean more to me than the Creator Himself?
Are my eyes fixed on me and my sanctification over Him and His glory?

PROCESSING
Philippians 1:21
"...to die is gain..."
death is thought as bad
bad because it ends life
and life is thought as good
good because of good things in it

In order for gain to come from death, something must be offered that outweighs the goods of life: Christ. Scripture says it: to die is gain; Christ is better than the goods of life--even life itself!

(If you can't see it (it's hard for me to see), adjust your thinking
(rather than "rethink" what's already been Said).)

REALIZATION
If death is too high a cost for the sake of Christ, then I must be valuing my life too highly. And if I value my life so highly (over the passion of Christ), then where my focus lies--given the Gospel--is clear. My focus is still on what's been done for me rather than what's been done and by Whom.


•LORD, thank you for putting these thoughts and realizations into my mind. Please forgive me of my sin, of my inherent self-centeredness. Thank you for showing me the extent of my desperate need for You and Your daily grace. HOLY SPIRIT, I ask You to change the eyes of my heart so that I may truly see and, therefore, experience Your greatness. Let the Gospel, for me--individually and uniquely--truly be about You and Your glory.

Thank You, LORD, for Your love and faithfulness. I await in hopeful expectation for Your answer to prayer. I also pray this same thing over _____, LORD. Please give each of us open eyes through Your SPIRIT to know your glory. In JESUS' name, amen!•

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