JV Testimony

I think I've always been (for the most part) very logical and "lawyeristic," and for me, Jesus is the only way life makes sense. Through the lens of Christ, I am able to see the so-called wisdom of this world for what it truly is: foolishness. Its trinkets do not satisfy.

I used to not be able to wrap my mind around the idea that God's greatest passion is for His glory as it seemed selfish to me. But then I realized that "at the very moment God exalted someone or something else, He would no longer be the great God worthy of all glory in all the universe, which He is" (David Platt). And everybody exalts something or someone—and somehow we (usually) know that that thing shouldn't be ourself.

I used to get stuck on why The Way had to be through Jesus. Now, I can see that the answer to that question can be found in the question itself. For me personally, the underlying inquiry—the driver—was really, "Why can't I do it myself?" And there, we have a pride issue—the very thing that got Satan kicked out of Heaven.

Grace is a gift from God. Take it, man!

“I didn't grow up in the church (at least not at a place where I made my faith my own), went to a prestigious university which contributed to my inward arrogance, was part of a fraternity where I did some real stupid things, and made light—into games even—of things I'm now ashamed.

But shortly after college, God somehow landed me in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of winter, with nothing to turn to but Him. He gave me the grace to put my trust in Jesus, and everything's turned 180 since then (though obviously not without its [hurdles]). Finding God later in life, one understandably slingshots in spiritual growth as there (usually) is more maturity to work with. And that's what I did. Much had been forgiven, so much love was shown (Luke 7:47).

Even though I'm in a good place now, I've still caught myself plenty enough times to fully know that apart from God, I have no good thing in me (Psalm 16:2).” [Post from July 26, 2010]

I’m learning what it means to depend on His grace on a daily basis.

“Each day, I wake up. With air in my lungs. Through each night as I sleep (demonstrating all the more that it is through no power of my own), my heart beats. I have control over my fingers, hands, and feet to run, jump, and dance and experience Creation as I please (indeed I am grateful). I have eyes that perceive better than any camera all the beauty that is around me. And despite all the brokenness in this world, God is all the more worthy to be praised because through hope—through Christ—brokenness isn't where it all ends. Beyond life, He gives Life. Before I had it, I didn't know what Life was, let alone know that I was missing it (dead men don't know they're dead).

Very real to me is the distinct peace I've been given, in deep contrast to the darkness that was once my mind. Very real to me is freedom from the shame I no longer bear, as well as liberation from addiction. And now, even in affliction, I see His goodness in refining me for His glory.” [Post from October 11, 2010]

Ephesians 2:1-10

_____________________________________________

The Hobby Shop

Today was Presidents' Day and I had off from work. After a tri-state and tiring (but solid) Saturday & Sunday, I began to make my way back to Darien (by way of Nyack (woohoo!)). After topping off the tank with some sub-three-dollar-per-gallon Jersey fuel, I craved a bacon-egg-and-cheese. Opting for something less "processed" tasting, I by-passed DD and headed for a local deli uptown. There was no sense eating and driving simultaneously; I was in no rush and I had the day off after all, so I ate in my car. The first half of the sandwich exploited just how cheesy the breakfast delight was being, and I devoured it in no time. However, just as I was about to take my assault on the second half, I realized where I was parked. Right in front of me, only a few feet away, was a small hobby shop. As a young kid, I was really into collecting sports cards and this place was one of my primary suppliers. The thing is, though, not everything I got from this shop owner was purchased. I had stolen a bunch of stuff here and there.

Now, there I was staring at an opportunity. A thought was placed in my mind by whom I imagine could only be the Holy Spirit: walk in there and give the owner a twenty spot. Mind you, I'm a big planner and strict budgetor, and whatever I have in my wallet at the beginning of the week is always meant to last the rest of the week for both food and fuel (separate funds are set aside for other categories). Giving up a twenty, unplanned, would be pretty inconvenient... but rather than calculating in my head how much I would have left and figuring if I could stretch my coin, I stopped.

I resolved that walking in there would be the God-honoring thing to do, and that God would provide for me (even in the small things) as He always does. Still, after my mind was fixed, it took a few moments for my courage to follow. Eventually, however, by the grace of God, I went into soldier mode and just went for it.

I opened the door and cheerfully said a hello. I pulled out my wallet and began to explain. Though the act seemed genuinely appreciated, the cash that was placed on the counter was graciously slid back towards me... so that, per the shop owner, I could pass it onto another in need. He did ask, "What changed?"

I said, "I grew up," but more importantly (and I was grateful for the opportunity to finally say such words to a stranger), "I met Jesus."

Thank You, LORD. Not to us, but to You be the glory. Amen.


Just before this happened, I had been contemplating on upgrading my camera lens. Prior to this year, I hadn't spent much on myself, but now I'm already up to a telephoto lens with some serious glass and a brand new laptop. In terms of spending, I realized that I had "broken the seal" and I wanted to stop the bleeding. After all, godliness with contentment is of great gain (1 Timothy 6:6). I imagined myself getting all the goods on my mental checklist and preemptively processed how acquiring it all would not ultimately satisfy. I knew only God could fill that longing--and this experience provided a glimpse of that true Satisfaction.

_____________________________________________

He Remembers Prayers Even When I've Forgotten

GUT CHECK
Does my gratitude from the Gospel end at my (me!) being saved?

Or does it extend [go beyond, surpass that which was initially most valued (e.g. life itself)] to awe (e.g. a response) over His (Him!) greatness?

Does creation (my life) mean more to me than the Creator Himself?
Are my eyes fixed on me and my sanctification over Him and His glory?

PROCESSING
Philippians 1:21
"...to die is gain..."
death is thought as bad
bad because it ends life
and life is thought as good
good because of good things in it

In order for gain to come from death, something must be offered that outweighs the goods of life: Christ. Scripture says it: to die is gain; Christ is better than the goods of life--even life itself!

(If you can't see it (it's hard for me to see), adjust your thinking
(rather than "rethink" what's already been Said).)

REALIZATION
If death is too high a cost for the sake of Christ, then I must be valuing my life too highly. And if I value my life so highly (over the passion of Christ), then where my focus lies--given the Gospel--is clear. My focus is still on what's been done for me rather than what's been done and by Whom.


•LORD, thank you for putting these thoughts and realizations into my mind. Please forgive me of my sin, of my inherent self-centeredness. Thank you for showing me the extent of my desperate need for You and Your daily grace. HOLY SPIRIT, I ask You to change the eyes of my heart so that I may truly see and, therefore, experience Your greatness. Let the Gospel, for me--individually and uniquely--truly be about You and Your glory.

Thank You, LORD, for Your love and faithfulness. I await in hopeful expectation for Your answer to prayer. I also pray this same thing over _____, LORD. Please give each of us open eyes through Your SPIRIT to know your glory. In JESUS' name, amen!•

_____________________________________________

The Spreadsheet Gospel.xls

The Spreadsheet Gospel.xls

(What? I like Excel.)
_____________________________________________

Quit Sipping Tea

It's almost like a scene out of the movie Titanic: a massive ship is sinking and countless bodies are flailing their limbs as they struggle to survive in freezing dark waters. A handful of rescue boats miraculously appear out of nowhere; there is plenty of space on each boat, but time is limited and so is the number of rescue crew members. Now imagine this: I am one of the fortunate few to immediately get scooped up, and somehow, my physical recovery is instantaneous. How much sense, then, would it make for me to proceed to enjoy the amenities of my newly boarded (let's say extravagant) vessel when manpower is specifically required to pull in more of the drowning souls? None! No sense whatsoever! I would imagine that if the Captain of the ship came by and saw me (healthy and able) sipping tea and relaxing while people were suffering and dying, He wouldn't be very pleased. Think hard about this--and on more than one occasion.*

When I was being saved, there was no discussion as to whether I would, in turn, help out in rescuing other people. It wasn't even a conscious thought, not a wonder of any sort among the Captain or crew. The rescue workers were reacting to the Need and it was naturally assumed that I would respond in the same manner.

_____________________________________________
* plank in my eye, too