"Having my eyes steadily peeled open to the reality that I’ve so often managed to tune out of my life—all the suffering in the world—God wrecked my heart and propelled me to more deeply seeking His face."
That is what I reported after my first trip to Tijuana with Caravan Ministries in 2009. It was true when I wrote it, and still true to this day. But it was vague. On my second visit, already prepared for the Truthful shock-and-awe factor delivered daily by unreserved speakers, God moved me in a different—and very specific—way.
"Go, send, or disobey" (John Piper, speaking of missions) is the maxim of the ministry, and initially, I thought that the LORD's lesson for me in round two was the same as the last: stay, send, and be content. Going into the field sounds glorious; merely sending—not so sexy. You see, despite my desire to Go (the desire of my will, but not necessarily my inherent want), massive pre-Christian-incurred college loans have kept long-term missions off the table.
Here's an illustration of that presupposed lesson. On build site #3, despite wanting to wield a hammer on the casa, I decided to hang out with the chicos nearby. At first, like with missions, I felt like I was sitting on the sidelines, not doing "my part."
But as it would turn out, speeding downhill in a children's toy car with no brakes and playing soccer with those kids was the most meaningful—and fulfilling—time of the trip for me. So, what did I learn that day? Whether Sending (like I thought I was supposed to) or Going, the role should be embraced (God sees the heart).
The next day, however, I realized that although true (that sacrificially sending/intentionally mobilizing/effectively equipping is indeed a vital role within the missional body), it wasn't exactly the message that God wanted to engraft in me. When I first accepted Jesus, there was no BAM! moment like I initially thought there had to be as I was seeking for truth throughout college. When I made the decision to commit to my future bride, there was no supernatural sign giving me the green light. Many of us spend our lives this way: waiting for a sign before we act, being paralyzed in fear of failure or making the wrong decision or stepping outside of God's will (see 1 John 3:20). Well, on my last day in Mexico, God used two rock solid men ("sons of Von") to put things in perspective for me.
Brad, a stellar surfer in his day and native of southern California, had zero desire to become a missionary when he became a Christian. He had no "heart" for lost people and never saw letters in the clouds "calling" him to preach the Gospel to the ends of the earth. He was full of fear, and by his own admittance, basically a pretty bad candidate to be a missionary. What he did have though was Pastor Von, and so somewhat by transitive property, Brad had obedience to God's Word. And God's Word says this:
And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:18-20)
But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth. (Acts 1:8)
Brad (who, despite his fears, spent twenty years in the jungles of Papua New Guinea, translating the Bible into the local language and planting a now-thriving church) points out that, specifically for missions, God has already said "Yes," and that we don't need to wait for Him to say it again. "Until God shuts you down, you keep going... To surrender to the crosshairs of His will means to embrace fear... There is no Plan B. Are we addicted to Plan B? If you have a Plan B, you will never be in a position to please God, though you can fool everybody else, including yourself."
You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) "Worship is giving back to God that which He is worthy of... Self-preservation screams at us, and God's voice will whisper, 'you know I'm credible.'" (Brad)
Right after Brad's talk, Eddie and I shared a truck ride to our last work site, and his advice crystalized the truth resounding in my mind. He told me that our focus should not be on trying to discern God's will for our life; it should just be trying to discern God's will—period. God has already commanded us to go (push into missions, based on His Word), and only stay if we're called (meaning if He keeps closing the door on it).
Commanded to go, called to stay. Personally, I really like this refreshing mindset—it's liberating, it takes my questioning out, and makes God's answer clear.
"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." — Jim Elliot, missionary martyr who lost his life in the late 1950's trying to reach the Auca Indians of Ecuador
"If you found a cure for cancer, wouldn't it be inconceivable to hide it from the rest of mankind? How much more inconceivable to keep silent the cure from the eternal wages of death." — Dave Davidson
"If ten men are carrying a log — nine of them on the little end and one at the heavy end — and you want to help, which end will you lift on?" — William Borden, as he reflected on the numbers of Christian workers in the U.S. as compared to those among unreached peoples in China
When James Calvert went out as a missionary to the cannibals of the Fiji Islands, the ship captain tried to turn him back, saying, "You will lose your life and the lives of those with you if you go among such savages." To that, Calvert replied, "We died before we came here."
"The gospel is only good news if it gets there in time." — Carl F. H. Henry
All the more reason to go: And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. (Matthew 24:14) He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. (Revelation 21:4)
