Excerpts

The shade of thoughts and emo that have filled the last few weeks have been too messy to verbalize, let alone wrap up into a neat hope-filled revelation. Maybe I'll elaborate later on when things get digested. Maybe I won't. For now, I leave you with a glimpse of what my mind has been resonating with:


Excerpts from "What's [Actually] On Your Mind?" by Shane Hipps
[Relevant Magazine, Sep/Oct 2010]

This inadvertently reinforces the narcissism of the digital age. [Social media] helps me believe even my most mundane thoughts are now somehow important and need to be shared. It begs me to step out of the stream of experience long enough to record it. The effect is that we are no longer present in any of our experiences. We are living as unpaid journalists who chronicle life as it passes by. This may seem insignificant. But our presence matters. Our brief but increasingly frequent moments of absence add up.

Wisdom is born of suffering, waiting, experience, wrestling, grieving and complexity-and these things take time.

Ignore your [social media] for a week and see what happens. What do you miss? What do you gain? Pay attention when you feel an impulse to check [social media] and ask yourself, what is this about? Am I bored? Restless? Lonely? Curious? Feeling disconnected? Needing a break from the monotony of existence? Then sit with the feeling. Let it arise without resisting it or retaining it. See what it might have to teach you. And check to see if there is something else beneath it. Often there is wisdom waiting to be born. But it means being patient.
_____________________________________________
Excerpts from "Why We Need Unanswered Questions” by Cameron Conant
[Relevant Magazine, Aug 2010]

The answer requires a knowing that transcends textbooks or theology, a knowing that sees with the heart, a knowing that exists between two lovers or between a parent and a child, the sort of knowing that says, “Even if it’s not OK, it will be OK.”
_____________________________________________
America Through A Bug-Stained Windshield
[Jack's Mannequin Blog]

Sometimes a soul must wander to truly know it is home.
_____________________________________________

Gift vs Exchange

There is no such thing as "it was all for nothing" when it comes to love. Not in real love. And it's only real when gifted, meaning given not at the expectation of generating a response (receiving some form of self-gratification in the future), nor for the sake of returning a "gift," (for having received some form of self-gratification in the past) which is really no gift at all, but rather payment. (Obviously, there is nothing wrong with receiving love and enjoying its benefits since it is the natural by-product of gifting, but only responding and never initiating calls for a gut check.*) "It was all for nothing" implies expectation. Expectation is not love, but (in this context) self-entitlement.

So when asked, "Why do you love that person?," a list of wonderful things about that special someone just doesn't cut it. The only answer that comes even close to acceptable is "Because I choose to." Even this response is flawed because we're only human (self-seeking and depraved at the core*), which means that something must be driving us to choose one way or another.

Love can only be True when the sustaining source is internal, not external. And on their own, I know that my internals aren't good enough (Psalm 16:2). But I do not end without hope (obvious to some, a reminder to many, available to all): God is love; we love because He first loved us (see 1 John 4:7-21).




* plank in the eye
_____________________________________________

Thanks, Ed.

Today is kind of a crappy day. But as I'm walking back to my cube from the cafeteria, the security guard, Ed (a big, bald Puerto Rican guy), calls out my name in a proud drawn out fashion. I nod and manage to crank out only half-a-smile in return, but when I think about it, this seemingly insignificant gesture has just made my day. Thanks, Ed.

(Curious to know the source of his consistently sanguine demeanor, I asked him one day awhile back. Ed's response: "Great sex." (He also followed with "great wife, great kids.") Ed's the man.)

Because it fits so well, I can't help but hijack a quote just highlighted by someone much more inspiring: Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it. (Mahatma Gandhi)

_____________________________________________

Love fiercely.

I had this girlfriend once: ferociously gorgeous, classically modest yet stunning to my soul. She's gregarious and loves people, super insightful, fearlessly creative and massively complex. She can be thick-headed at times, but is tender-hearted at her core. And though not perfect, she is perfect for me (hope I sustain).

On any given day, my insides can deal me fight or flight. I scream out my lungs or shut off my mind, harden my heart or just bawl out my eyes. Some days, though, I manage to endure. Despite this quasi-explicit circumstance ("The Suck"), I agree with this tier of affliction in my life. Jack's Mannequin acknowledges that "rain makes the flowers grow." Dashboard Confessional concedes, "I don't mind the rain if I meet my Maker clean... I'll meet my Maker clean." Scripture says this:

Isaiah 48
10 See, I have refined you, though not as silver;
I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
11 For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this.
How can I let myself be defamed?
I will not yield my glory to another.

Daniel 11
35 Some of the wise will stumble, so that they may be refined,
purified and made spotless until the time of the end,
for it will still come at the appointed time.

Zechariah 13
8 "In the whole land," declares the LORD,
"two-thirds will be struck down and perish;
yet one-third will be left in it.
9 This third I will bring into the fire;
I will refine them like silver
and test them like gold.
They will call on my name
and I will answer them;
I will say, 'They are my people,'
and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' "

Malachi 3
3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver;
He will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver.
Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness,
4 and the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem will be acceptable
to the LORD, as in days gone by, as in former years.

There is something daringly beautiful about willfully dying in order to come alive (Luke 17:33). Paraphrasing C.S. Lewis from The Great Divorce: the greater the descent, the greater the glory thereafter. Only One has descended into the darkness no other could ever go, and He conquered what no one else could ever master.

Love is a choice not dictated by emotion. And in the pit of enduring is where love becomes fierce. Love like Jesus. Love fiercely.

In this moment, I'm... OK. Yeah... I think I am.




(I won't lie: being proactively expressive of what's going on in my introverted head is something I know she'd be proud of (now, I know why), and so it's one reason I write. Processing is good.)
_____________________________________________

(Positively and Beautifully) Terrifyingly Splendorous

In His hands is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind (Job 12:10, 13-25) ... We are like windblown leaves, dry chaff (Job 13:25) ... He remembers that we are dust (Psalm 103:14) ... No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived (1Cor 2:9) ... Would not His splendor terrify you? (Job 13:11)

All this time, whenever I've praised His greatness, it was done, for the most part, through the lens of His works personal to me or in the context of nature. Though indeed valid in themselves--more than that, beautiful and liberating--I managed in my mind (and still, naturally cannot help it (1Cor 2:9)) to box in God's... indescribable, immeasurable, incomprehensible... Awesomeness. What mere man (dust) could register His greatness and still be able to utter a word? His splendor isn't described as simply beautiful (tolerably perceivable), but terrifying (unendurable).

Thanks be to Jesus, for in Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph 3:12)... yet, honestly, I sigh and hesitate to exclaim this bold statement... I think it's because it makes me prone (rather, I am prone) to sinking into license. It's the inverse relationship of reverence and approachability that I need to somehow reconcile.

Father, forgive me for all the innumerable ways I've failed to live up to Your standards. And thank You for......

Father, Lord Jesus, and Holy Spirit, You are one! And LORD, You came down from Heaven! As (positively and beautifully) terrifyingly splendorous as You are (unapproachable through our own merits), You love us that much that You came to save us! Whoa.....

LORD, thank You for the grace You gift, carrying us through all our failures as we come to You. Help us to grasp what we can of Your splendor and to respond appropriately with our lives and in prayer. Amen.

_____________________________________________